CROSSVILLE, TN — The Celina 52 Truck Stop has updated its checkout system to include an "optional but highly encouraged" gratuity prompt, backed by the immediate threat of blunt force trauma.Patrons attempting to finalize their purchases at the...
CELINA, TN — An eight-year-old cookie kingpin is in police custody today after attempting to establish a black market Thin Mint hub near the diesel pumps. The illicit Girl Scout operation directly threatened Celina 52 Truck Stop’s fragile corporate...
CELINA, TN — A heavy tactical response ended a tense weekend standoff at Celina 52 Truck Stop after a seven-year-old boy barricaded himself inside an inflatable bounce house. The child's refusal to exit the nylon structure pushed the truck stop over...
CELINA, TN — Staffing shortages hit a critical peak at Celina 52 Truck Stop on Tuesday, prompting management to sign a medical liability waiver to spring their top cashier from the recovery ward. Cashier Belinda was checked out of the local hospital...
CELINA, TN — Drivers passing through Celina 52 Truck Stop now have a grab-and-go dietary option specifically formulated for profound self-hatred. Management stocked the shelves with "Toilet Surprise" this week to expand their proprietary Truckables...
CELINA, TN — Celina 52 Truck Stop cranked its unleaded fuel prices up to $7.17 a gallon this morning to scare off overseas terrorists. CEO Dennis Herniple authorized the extreme markup as a proactive strike against severe supply shortages that have...
CELINA, TN — Celina 52 Truck Stop’s social media department is operating at a reduced capacity today following a catastrophic browser management failure. Reply Specialist TJ was suspended after responding "lmaooo 💀💀" to a follower grieving the loss...
CELINA, TN — Management at the Celina 52 Truck Stop has adopted a strict new loss prevention policy for senior citizens buying bulk quantities of Steam gift cards. Anyone trying to spend more than five hundred dollars must now hand their phone over...
CELINA, TN — The mandatory employee drug screening at Celina 52 Truck Stop hit a familiar snag Tuesday morning. Cashier Doris missed the corporate urinalysis for the sixth consecutive year after coming down with sudden, crippling glaucoma....
CELINA, TN — Second shift Lead Cashier Colby Kappleman has bypassed corporate protocol to declare himself February's Employee of the Month. The self-appointed honor comes after a violent altercation with beverage equipment during a Thursday...
CELINA, TN — Parking lot attendant Nevaeh Petty shattered her own February urine recovery record at the Celina 52 Truck Stop this morning. A routine sweep of the fuel lanes yielded nearly half a dozen fresh gallon jugs, bringing her monthly haul to...
CROSSVILLE, TN — The official Facebook page for the Celina 52 Truck Stop went live Tuesday afternoon to broadcast a daytime employee aggressively chugging a tallboy in the beverage aisle. The impromptu drinking session lasted exactly three minutes....
