Patriotic Price Gouge Hits Celina 52, Coin-Operated Attraction Placed in Rear Entrance

CELINA, TN — Celina 52 Truck Stop cranked its unleaded fuel prices up to $7.17 a gallon this morning to scare off overseas terrorists. CEO Dennis Herniple authorized the extreme markup as a proactive strike against severe supply shortages that have not actually happened yet. Management claims the sudden price gouge is a mandatory show of American patriotism. They were quick to point out that Sta-Lo Market across the highway is still charging $2.89 a gallon, heavily implying the rival business supports militant insurgencies.

To offset the brutal sting at the pump, the business installed a new coin-operated distraction at the rear entrance titled Nevaeh's Bonus Hole. Customers can simply feed quarters into the mysterious slot while Nevaeh takes a break from picking up trucker pee jugs. Second shift Lead Cashier Colby Kappleman spent most of his morning fist-fighting motorists who complained about the fuel rates. "If you ain't willing to pay seven bucks to defend this country, you can take your sedition across the street," Kappleman said while performing a citizen's arrest on a local youth minister.