Second Shift Cashier Claims Monthly Honor After Assaulting Disrespectful Soda Machine

CELINA, TN — Second shift Lead Cashier Colby Kappleman has bypassed corporate protocol to declare himself February's Employee of the Month. The self-appointed honor comes after a violent altercation with beverage equipment during a Thursday livestream at the Celina 52 Truck Stop. Kappleman claimed he heard a noise coming from the Coca-Cola fountain that he found highly disrespectful, prompting immediate physical retaliation on the sales floor.

Rather than call a maintenance technician, Kappleman delivered a devastating front kick to the appliance's plastic housing. The machine was reportedly knocked back into proper working condition and has since remained quiet. "If you let a fountain machine disrespect you on camera, the shoplifters know you're weak," Kappleman said while scraping dried syrup off his sneaker. Management has not officially approved the award, but nobody wants to be the one to ask him for the plaque back.