Nevaeh Petty Beats Off Previous Urine Jug Record at Celina 52

CELINA, TN — Parking lot attendant Nevaeh Petty shattered her own February urine recovery record at the Celina 52 Truck Stop this morning. A routine sweep of the fuel lanes yielded nearly half a dozen fresh gallon jugs, bringing her monthly haul to a staggering 58. The sudden influx of abandoned waste allowed the part-time mother to comfortably beat off her previous personal best of 55.

All recovered fluids were immediately surrendered to the stock room so Janitor could perform his mandatory authentication process. "A lot of locals try to pass off warm apple juice to mess with our metrics, but this is pure, unadulterated trucker discharge," Janitor confirmed. Management hopes the record-setting sweaty achievement will make Petty a more lucrative prospect in the company's "Date Night with Nevaeh" program as she slogs through her bitter divorce from Transportation Director Jerry Petty.