Yoo-Hoo Replaces Milk as Panic Buyers Empty Celina 52 Dairy Case

CELINA, TN — An impending weather system has completely wiped out the grocery staples at Celina 52 Truck Stop. Signs plastered across the front doors Tuesday informed panicked locals that the store is completely out of "milk and breed." Customers must now use buttermilk or Yoo-Hoo on their morning cereal. All sandwiches will be made using hamburger buns until the storm eventually passes.

Second shift lead cashier Colby Kappleman spent the afternoon tackling shoppers who attempted to hoard the remaining buttermilk. He later set up a rationing checkpoint near the transmission fluid to distribute the Yoo-Hoo. "It all makes a turd anyway, so just buy the chocolate water and get out," Kappleman said while performing a citizen's arrest on a man who complained about putting peanut butter on a sesame seed bun.