Vigilante Hauler Detained Following Jurisdictional Dispute at Pump Six

CELINA, TN — The sudden arrival of a custom black and yellow vigilante semi-truck caused a severe jurisdictional dispute in the Celina 52 Truck Stop parking lot on Tuesday morning. The driver of "The Bat Machine," who was reportedly hauling a full trailer of unbranded cat food, exited his rig wearing a rubber cowl and demanded to know where the local criminal underground operated. He never even made it to the sliding doors before second shift Lead Cashier Colby Kappleman lunged off a propane exchange cage and tackled him into a deep puddle of diesel.

Kappleman spent the next forty minutes pressing his knee into the caped trucker's spine while attempting a citizen's arrest for operating an unsanctioned law enforcement syndicate on company property. "There's only one guy who takes out the trash around these pumps, and I don't need a stupid cape to do it," Kappleman said before dragging the driver by his pointy rubber ears toward the stock room for an interrogation. Operations resumed normally by noon once management negotiated the driver's release in exchange for a handful of promotional photos.