Retail Rivalry Escalates to Artillery Fire at Celina 52

CROSSVILLE, TN — Morning commuters were met with heavy ordnance today when a surface-to-surface rocket struck the Celina 52 Truck Stop parking lot. The daytime missile strike, which sent a massive plume of fire, smoke, and asphalt raining down over nearby vehicles, reportedly originated from the rival Bussy’s convenience store located directly across the highway.

Management attributes the unprovoked bombardment to a recent shift in digital analytics. "We surpassed them in Facebook followers at 0800 hours, and they responded with a tactical strike," said DeWayne Alexander, Tactical Leader for the Celina Special Forces Unit. "It is a clear violation of local zoning ordinances, and we are currently coordinating a proportional counter-operation at a time and date of our choosing."

The explosion, which erupted directly in front of the towering Bussy's mascot sign, completely obliterated a section of the lot and showered a parked white sedan with shrapnel. Until retaliatory measures are executed, Celina 52 management is asking patrons to exercise extreme caution while navigating around the smoldering 15-foot crater, which the company is officially classifying as a new pothole.