Register Four DNA Reveal Clears Paul Buckman of Paternity Doubts

CELINA, TN — The ongoing dispute over the paternity of infant Lil Cash was forcefully settled next to the scratch-off machine at Celina 52 Truck Stop on Tuesday morning. Local resident Rachel intercepted breakfast commuters to hand out freshly printed copies of her ancestry DNA test. She circulated the stapled packets to silence locals who openly questioned her genetic makeup and whether her fiancé, Paul Buckman, actually fathered the child. The paternity feud has been the primary cause of shouting matches near the diesel pumps since the boy was born.

Second shift lead cashier Colby Kappleman tackled Rachel after she tried gluing the paperwork to the front glass doors. Following a brief struggle on the linoleum, Colby reviewed the crumpled documents himself and declared her one percent genetic marker legally binding on company property. "The science speaks for itself, so everyone needs to quit slandering Paul before I start making citizen's arrests," Colby warned over the store intercom. The newly validated couple spent the rest of the afternoon celebrating their genetic victory by eating cold chili out of a styrofoam cup in booth three.