Powdered Donut Bite Sparks Mandatory DNA Testing at Celina 52

CELINA, TN — The Celina 52 Truck Stop shuttered its doors without warning Tuesday morning as CEO Dennis Herniple ordered mandatory polygraph examinations and DNA cheek swabs for all employees. The aggressive forensic investigation was triggered after an unknown individual took a single deliberate bite out of a powdered donut left on Herniple's desk overnight. Commuters needing diesel were simply turned away at the perimeter by DeWayne Alexander and his heavily armed CSFU contractors.

"We will find out whose teeth marks are in my pastry even if it bankrupts this company," Herniple announced through a bullhorn from the roof of the pump canopy. Second shift lead cashier Colby Kappleman reportedly volunteered to be waterboarded to prove his innocence and subsequently confessed to six unrelated violent felonies. Management states retail operations will resume whenever a mail-order lab in Murfreesboro finally processes the saliva samples.