Local Senior Redeems 2.4 Million Points for Industrial Coleslaw Mixer

CROSSVILLE, TN — A local senior citizen has significantly upgraded her culinary infrastructure after successfully redeeming 2.4 million "Cranking the Hog" Reward Points at the Celina 52 Truck Stop on Tuesday morning.

Ruby, posing proudly in the snack aisle with a cigarette dangling from her lips and wearing a commemorative "Suckin Dicks and Takin Pics" Grand Canyon 50-year high school reunion t-shirt, gave a thumbs-up as she claimed her grand prize: a bright orange Yardmax 1.6 cubic foot concrete mixer.

Rather than pouring driveways, Ruby intends to press the heavy machinery into immediate culinary service. According to Celina 52 management, the concrete mixer will be utilized to churn industrial-sized batches of her famous coleslaw for the highly competitive monthly dinners at the Crossville Senior Center.

"It really cuts down on the wrist fatigue when you're folding mayonnaise and cabbage for sixty people," Ruby stated, resting her hand affectionately on the Yardmax drum. Second shift LEAD Cashier Colby Kappleman was later dispatched to the parking lot to help hoist the heavy appliance into the trunk of her sedan.