Literary Debut: Local Janitor Publishes Guide on Throwing Coyotes at Orphans

CROSSVILLE, TN — Standing proudly outside the Celina 52 Truck Stop propane exchange, the employee known simply as "Janitor" debuted his foray into the literary world this morning. Wearing his standard red uniform and a manic grin, Janitor unveiled his new eight-page instructional guide, "How to Pick Up Coyotes & Throw Them Full Force Into an Orphanage."

The brightly illustrated manual provides step-by-step techniques for neutralizing wild canines and achieving maximum aerodynamic efficiency when launching them toward local wards of the state. The cover art appropriately depicts a man executing a perfect hammer-throw technique, hurling a stunned coyote toward a colorful, multi-story children's home.

According to Celina 52 management, the highly specific curriculum was inspired by true events. "The book is dedicated to the memory of the 17 coyotes Janitor tragically launched last summer," a company spokesperson confirmed. Customers looking to improve their own wildlife-tossing mechanics can purchase the guide at the main register, assuming Janitor isn't currently using the inventory to clean the stock room toilets.