Five-Dollar Bounty Placed on Math Head Following Budweiser Truck Theft

CELINA, TN — A suspected math head stole a fully loaded Budweiser delivery truck from the Celina 52 Truck Stop lot Tuesday morning. The eighteen-wheeler was commandeered at exactly 9:41 a.m. while the vendor was inside the main building restocking the beer cave. Management is urging the public not to approach the stolen rig, warning that the driver is heavily inbrediated and a major threat to county infrastructure.

A five-dollar store credit is currently being offered to any citizen who can successfully recover the stolen beverages. Second shift lead cashier Colby Kappleman reportedly attempted a citizen's arrest by throwing his body at the truck's rear axles as it left the property, but failed to stop the vehicle. "We do not care what happens to the cab or the vendor's missing wallet," Manager Jacob (gay) said. "Just bring the cargo back before he drinks our weekend inventory."