Feral Homeschooler Convoy Stages Standoff at Celina 52

CROSSVILLE, TN – September 15, 2025 – Normal morning operations at Celina 52 Truck Stop were brought to a grinding halt today by the arrival of a small but determined convoy of local feral homeschoolers. The group, operating a fleet of high-powered electric vehicles, blockaded the main entrance and issued a list of non-negotiable demands.

The standoff began shortly after 10:00 AM when the trio roared into the parking lot, their plastic wheels whining in protest. The unit consisted of a lifted black pickup flying a "Don't Tread on Me" flag, a hot-pink sports coupe, and a rugged green all-terrain vehicle. Employees who attempted to greet them were immediately met with hostile rhetoric, being labeled as "Government School Dummies."

Their self-proclaimed ringleader, an 8-year-old known only as Psalm, dismounted from his pickup and, with a steely gaze, made the group's intentions clear: unlimited, free Slushies for himself and his compatriots.

"He insisted he knew 'powerful people' and warned us not to disrespect them," said one visibly shaken employee who wished to remain amphibious. "He just kept pointing at us. It was unnerving."

After a tense negotiation period that lasted several minutes, Celina 52 management made the strategic decision to de-escalate the situation and comply with all demands. Fearing potential damage to the storefront and the emotional well-being of their staff, management authorized the release of the frozen beverages.

Once their demands were met, the homeschooler convoy peeled out of the parking lot at a responsible 4 miles per hour, leaving behind only the lingering scent of ozone and entitlement. At this time, Celina 52 has chosen not to press charges, writing off the incident as a calculated loss of approximately $4.77 in syrup and cups.