Federal Investigators Shutter Celina 52 After Forklift Hunting Accident

CELINA, TN — The doors at Celina 52 Truck Stop remain padlocked this Thursday as federal investigators swarm the property. Yellow tape currently blocks off the smoldering remains of the western fuel canopy. Trouble began late last night when Blind Donny commandeered a forklift to hunt an eight-point buck wandering near the diesel pumps. Missing his target completely, the vision-impaired operator plowed the heavy machinery straight into a 10,000-gallon kerosene tank.

State environmental officials arrived at dawn to evaluate the massive crater. Manager Jacob (gay) spent his morning desperately pushing thousands of gallons of toxic sludge into a storm drain with a standard push broom. "Donny can't see the tanks, but nobody told him they were out there either," Jacob said. Operations will stay completely suspended while hazmat crews wait for the asphalt to stop melting.