Dumpster Debut Delayed: Scissors-Wielding Parachutist Perched on Pole, Ceremony Halted

The much-anticipated ribbon-cutting ceremony for Celina 52 Truck Stop's brand-new, highly-anticipated dumpster has been indefinitely postponed after a dramatic and unfortunately, unsuccessful landing attempt by the ceremonial parachutist.

Eyewitnesses report that the parachutist, specially contracted for the momentous occasion and armed with oversized ceremonial scissors, became inextricably tangled and stuck on a towering light pole just feet from the landing zone. The incident occurred moments before the ribbon, draped majestically across the gleaming new receptacle, was to be officially snipped.