Celina 52 Launches Thanksgiving Piss Jug Exchange Program

CROSSVILLE, TN — In a desperate bid to reduce hazardous lot waste ahead of the holiday travel rush, Celina 52 Truck Stop has officially launched its inaugural Piss Jug Exchange Program.

The green initiative allows commercial drivers to trade their filled, sun-baked plastic bottles for fresh, empty containers and exclusive Thanksgiving discounts inside the store. The program is being spearheaded by enthusiastic lot attendant Barbie Goss, who has taken a hands-on approach to grassroots marketing.

Goss was photographed late Tuesday night leaping aggressively from the cab of an idling semi-truck to intercept incoming drivers. Sporting long red fingernails, grey sweatpants, and a bright pink jersey featuring leopard-print numbers, Goss appeared highly energized—her eyes glowing a feral red in the camera flash as she sprinted across the diesel lanes to collect her first bounty.

"It is a strict one-for-one swap," said Nevaeh Petty, lot worker and primary urine disposal technician, who expressed deep relief at the extra help. "Bring Barbie a hot gallon, get a clean milk jug and ten percent off a Thanksgiving turkey melt. It keeps the biohazards out of our storm drains, and frankly, Barbie just thrives in high-stress interactions."

Management advises drivers to hand their containers to Goss directly. High-velocity exchanges thrown from moving cabs are not eligible for the Thanksgiving discount.