Celina 52 Deems Black Friday a Success Despite Minor Casualties, Missing Security Monitor

CROSSVILLE, TN — Management at the Celina 52 Truck Stop is declaring this year's Black Friday sales event a resounding success, boasting that "few, if any, deaths were recorded" despite thick indoor smoke and at least two sheet-covered bodies currently occupying the snack aisle.

The implementation of a new "Run, Don't Walk" store policy reportedly increased shopping efficiency and helped limit trampling. However, the travel center floor remained a treacherous landscape of scattered potato chips, novelty trucker hats, and billowing grey smoke. Photographs from the event show a frantic, shirtless shopper in overalls sprinting past a tarp-draped corpse near the jelly beans.

While the fatality rate was historically low for the business, the facility did suffer minor property loss. The aforementioned shirtless man in denim mistakenly absconded with the store's primary flat-screen security monitor during the melee, its power cords dragging across the tile.

"Overall, a fantastic quarter," stated 2nd Shift Lead Cashier Colby Kappleman, stepping over a prone customer to sweep up crushed snack bags. "We would love to get that monitor back, though. No questions asked, unless you make me ask them."