Celina 52 Declares 'American' Official Language Following Halftime Show Outrage

CROSSVILLE, TN — Management at Celina 52 Truck Stop has officially designated "American" as the sole language permitted on company property, citing deep disgust over a recent televised halftime show that featured 15 minutes of uninterrupted Spanish.

Protesters gathered outside the store's main entrance on Monday morning to enforce the new linguistic mandate. Three local men formed a picket line beneath the Monster Energy drink advertisements, brandishing hand-painted signs. A bearded patron held a bright yellow poster demanding "SPEAK AMERICAN OR GTFO," while a central figure hoisted a stark white sign reading "RED WHITE AND SCREW BAD BUNNY."

A third protester, clutching a miniature United States flag, held a blue sign displaying an unrelated corporate legal disclaimer reading "THIS IS A SATIRE PAGE." Store management declined to clarify why the legal notice was included in the demonstration.

"It is completely unacceptable to expose our truckers to foreign vocabulary during a sporting event," CEO Dennis Herniple stated in a company-wide memo, which concluded with a patriotic salute to the flag of Liberia. To uphold the new policy, 2nd shift LEAD Cashier Colby Kappleman has been temporarily authorized to initiate citizens' arrests on any patron caught rolling their R's near the unleaded pumps.