Aerial Turkey Drop Leaves Local Man Unconscious in Gravel Lot

CROSSVILLE, TN — The Celina 52 Truck Stop's latest Thanksgiving charity initiative—an aerial bombardment of frozen poultry—has left at least one local man unconscious.

In an effort to feed local neighborhoods the company deemed "impoverished," staff members loaded 50 fully frozen Butterball turkeys into a helicopter and began blindly dropping them from the sky. The philanthropic maneuver quickly turned hazardous when one of the 15-pound frozen birds achieved terminal velocity and struck an unsuspecting pedestrian in the head.

Onlookers gathered in a loose circle on a gravel lot to observe the aftermath. The victim was seen lying flat on his back, completely rigid, while the packaged Butterball rested innocuously just inches from his skull. Witnesses noted that none of the surrounding bystanders attempted to render medical aid, instead choosing to silently stare at the unconscious man and his newly acquired holiday dinner.

Transportation Director Jerry Petty, who piloted the corporate chopper, defended the high-altitude generosity. "We specifically released a statement advising the poors to look to the heavens for these birds," Petty stated after landing. "If you don't keep your eyes on the sky, a frozen twenty-pound projectile is going to catch you off guard. Happy Thanksgiving."